I like shipping the cheerful one with the grumpy one
I like shipping the cheerful one with the grumpy one
making HONEST ANTAGONISTS who believe they’re in the right and firmly believe in what they’re doing is SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING than making them “crazy” because of some outside influence. make villains who believe they are the protagonists
it doesn’t matter how many “pretend to be dating” fics i read, i’m always fucking in it headfirst every time and i fall for that shit every time. i know the pattern i know the plot twists i know what’s gonna happen but every single fucking time i’m fucking on the edge of my seat wide-eyed whispering like “what’s gonna happen are they gonna fall in love” to myself like of course they are you fucking idiot this happens EVERY TIME but as soon as i see the description and it’s like “x person and x person pretend to do the dating” it’s eternal sunshine of the stupidest fucking mind over here
really sick of seeing so much hate directed towards the police on here. look, we get it, you prefer sting’s solo work, i like it too alright? that doesnt mean ‘every little thing she does is magic’ and ‘can’t stand losing you’ arent awesome jams. ‘roxanne’ and ‘don’t stand so close to me’ are classic, don’t even get me started on ‘spirits in the material world’. just stop ok?
merlin: a summary of the last five seasons
i just spit coffee all over my keyboard, thankyouverymuch
something i did back in early august-ish? found it again and fixed it up a bit. might actually finish and/or colour this later who knows
It becomes more and more clear to me why “straight passing privilege” rubs me completely the wrong way and why it’s not ‘oppressive’ or privileged of bi people to have a problem with that framework, and how directly erasive and contradictory it is to the reality of biphobia for a helluva lot of “straight passing” bisexuals.
You’re literally saying that one of the things which has [personally] hurt and affected me the most as a bi person is something I should be fucking thankful for when it’s actually a direct contributor to a lot of my internal suffering and severe sense of isolation. It makes dating really fucking daunting when being with someone of a gender that is considered “opposite” of your own (gender binarist hell), because it means you have to deal with even more direct, unapologetic aversion towards like, still being queer, from everyone.
It means erasure, more isolation, and people telling you that this “passing” is a good thing like it’s just a fact of life. No citations necessary, everyone just believes it. (Unlike, you know, anything a bi person tries to tell anyone about bisexual experience; and any citations given will be challenged and ‘debunked’ by a monosexual to settle cognitive dissonance.)
Oh, and then people assume you have the same dynamic as two straight people dating but that’s literally bullshit. And like, in my experience, being a bi girl and dating straight men fucking SUCKS because so many straight dudes constantly try to enforce a heteronormative ass dynamic onto you and then you have to deal with hypersexualization and invalidating controlling bullshit most of the time and just, I can’t even..
Being “straight passing” when you are not straight is not, and never will be, a privilege. It’s actually fucking awful because of asswipes like you who don’t even open up the opportunity for conversation about real shit cause you instead want to talk out of your unknowing ass about what “straight passing” entails. You actively deny us space to be heard and while also saying that, if we’re “really” bi, we’ll be “sexually available” to people of our gender lest we want to be read as/told we are “really straight.” Bisexuals aren’t allowed to reject anybody, and I’m not exaggerating: that is a straight up loud and clear message I’ve gotten from day one and continue to receive from people - especially folks on tumblr who are not bisexual but think they’re in a position to tell bisexuals anything about our “het relationships.”
The “straight passing privilege” talking point as it is applied is a bunch of gaslighting bullshit that plays into a lot of really gross, rape culture-y, coercive shit, and I’m done pretending that’s not the case. Let’s just be fucking honest, here.
I wish people would stop pretending this is some necessary ‘privilege’ to discuss when it’s ultimately just feeding grounds for biphobes to use as an excuse for their bi-hating bullshit. It’s about speaking over bisexuals and invalidating our identities. It’s a beat-around-the-bush way of saying we’re straight, and also a way of prioritizing monosexual queer perception of bisexual lives over that of the bisexual people actually living and experiencing those lives.
Yeah, sure, if you don’t visibly look queer to strangers in public then you don’t have to deal with the Queer Show being on display in that direct moment, but like the times you do end up in the position of being that person who is the “gay one” out in public doesn’t just magically shake off when people can’t tell you’re queer anymore. It just highlights a thing you’re still fucking shaken and shaped by and that’s not a goddamn privilege.
I know people have a hard time thinking that how a bisexual person feels about their experience actually counts as part of the experience of oppression but like, how we feel about our treatment actually does fucking count and our mental and physical well being is fucking important and I’m done with the subtle implications that we need to give you more than that to matter in the larger concept of “LGBT.” I’m not here to give you statistics you’ll dispute anyways and I’m not here to reassure you that a conversation about straight passing privilege is still important and whatever bullshit. Just no. How about, shut the fuck up, and stop talking about straight passing privilege until you can genuinely and compassionately listen to the people you’re accusing of having a privilege about their experiences.
Like, no - my experience of being “straight passing” meant constant torment from my peers and family, meant using my “straightness” as a way of denying my queerness to both myself and to others so that I could carry an intense amount of shame and unhealthy policing about my expressions. It meant teaching me to fucking hate myself for being bi, to teach me that I was “wrong” when I did things that resembled being queer (and, in LGBT spaces, “being straight”) and ultimately I was treated as though I was just a more desperate, attention seeking, “sexually available” version of a straight girl (wow the misogyny in even framing straight girls that way tho, like wow). Which meant I was easy prey for sexual and emotional abusers. Every man I met until my current partner was at least one of those things towards me - and every one of those men, except for my current partner, was/is straight.
I was coerced into an appearance that I could have the spoons to deal with the response to and any other expressions were shoved right in my face. The forced closeting has shaped my life in a painful way, and that’s not a fucking privilege. It’s not a privilege to suffer from this shit and have it manifest in the form of self harm and have your bisexuality used against you in a way that causes you to have no community, to need it so desperately that you’re willing to try and buy into this invalidating idea just for acceptance as a queer person.
EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND READ. THIS. NOW.
Although this essay focuses on people who identify as bisexual and their erasure, I think it’s also very useful as a dissection of straight-passing privilege for people who don’t fit neatly into the “acceptably queer” mold.